Dogs enjoy pants

They do. Jeans, shorts, sweats, boxers, briefs, banana hammocks, anything you can think of.

Daisy the Dalmatian doesn't get excited about a lot of things (read: food), but one thing she'll never pass up is sniffing my groin and leg area when I don a new pair of pants. They can be dirty, they can be washed, they can be right from the store. It doesn't matter.

The look she gets is very specific: This guy already has skin on his legs, and now he's putting another skin over that skin. Is he retarded? I've gotta check this out.

At first, I thought it was cute. But after years of this, and out of curiosity reading that dogs have over 220 million scent-sensitive cells in their nose (humans have about 5 million), I'm starting to wonder strange things. Things like "What exactly is in my pants?"

I realize dogs are naturally curious about smells. But Daisy really isn't. She'll occasionally stop on a walk to smell where a dog has peed. Oh yeah, I've smelled this jerkwad before. This is the golden from Milan Street. But she doesn't stick her head out of the car window, and she doesn't smell my shirts or my feet. Clearly, there is something consistently in my pants besides the stuff that's attached to me that's supposed to be there.

Could it be poo? Like, a tiny cubic nanometer-sized poo? Is this mini-poo in my buttcrack, or did it fall out into my boxers? If so, what is it about my pants that just come out of the washer that Daisy smells anyway? Does a scalding-hot washing machine not remove all the poo from my boxers? Can I sue the appliance company for this?

And if Daisy is smelling my wife's pants, does that mean my beautiful, sweet wife is walking around all day with poo in her pants? Should this make me feel better or worse?

I guess these are things they don't ask themselves in Darfur. But hey, I'm American. I have the time.